I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
