he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
