false alarm. still invincible.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
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