I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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