if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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