He is like the real live version of the state fair..
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
