Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
