Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
