how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
