I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the gays at disneyland are vicious
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
