Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
