I can text with my tongue
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
