You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
