ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
