I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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