I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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