singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
