Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
