just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
