yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
