Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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