This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just invented taco cereal.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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