Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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