Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
