Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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