I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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