I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
