mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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