he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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