Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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