Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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