I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
