Yo dont text me then not text me
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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