He is such a slut. More and more my type.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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