He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
