I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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