I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
