Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
