Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
