My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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