I think I won the penis lottery.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
