you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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