if i can run in heels then i can drive
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
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