I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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