Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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