I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
