I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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