That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
