She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Randomize
