First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
